Boyager: The Return
by MJ7
Summary: A more rude, violent version of Boyager, A coffee less Janeday goes on the rampage


Boyager: A day in the life of Heaven  
  
HeavenofMine was fiddling with buttons in astrometrics, she pretended to look at the  
screen and seem interested, however on closer inspection the screen was displayinga  
a loop of random images. Cpt Janeday entered, with a new goth look.  
  
Heaven: Captain?  
  
Janeday: The shows writers decided my hair was the same style for too long,  
and it was either ginger or this.  
  
Heaven: I see, the obvious choice.  
  
Janeday: So how are those scans comming along? Are we near the uhh....what do you call  
it again, uhm...Britney...no...what was that....  
  
Heaven smacked janeway on the head, making her gasp and fall over  
  
Heaven: Jesus christ you stupid bitch, the ALPHA QUADRANT. Its the fucking ALPHA QUADRANT  
You dumbass whoore.  
  
Janeday slowly stood up, placing her hair back into a perfect style and primping her  
uniform.  
  
Janeday: Yes, thats it. are we near the BALPHIC QUADRANT yet?  
  
Heaven shook her head as her eyes went on fire  
  
Heaven: Being a captain must be easy.  
  
Janeday: Hmm, im out of coffee, is there a coffee machine in here?  
  
Heaven: ARGGGGGGGH GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU IRRITATING MANLY LESBIAN!  
  
Janeday: (in varsity cheerleader style) K  
  
With that Janeday left astrometrics, she skipped along the corridor singing  
old Britney Spears songs. Two ensigns stood in the corridor.  
  
Ensign1: Why wont they give me a name yet!?  
Ensign2: Deal with it.  
Ensign1: Oh jesus christ, here she comes.  
Ensign2: Quick look busy, she wont disturb you then.  
  
Janeday gleefully skipped pasted and fell into the turbolift, standing up with her  
hair in perfect place.  
  
Janeday: Computer, report.  
  
Computer: Leave me alone, its my only day off, i just give and give and give, and   
my only day with the doctor results in you irritating me! Leave me alone, i  
cant take it any more.  
  
Janeday: K...Now report.  
  
Computer: Commander Chakotayayay is harrasing heavenofmine in astrometrics.  
  
=/\=Chakotayayay to computer/janeway=/\=  
Chakotayayay:Come on baby, dont be like that, ive always got time for you.  
Computer: You just arent fufilling me needs any more, the doctor can take  
me where i wanna bee.  
  
Janeday: Ewwww. Enough.  
  
Janeday arrived on the bridge and sat on her chair, and the sound of a whoppee cushion  
could be heard on the bridge  
  
Karry Him began laughing histerically at the gag, hes pale face draining as though  
he was having an asthma attack.  
  
Janeday: Shut Up you annoying little man.  
  
Karrys face drooped. He started crying.  
  
Karry: My mommy said your a mean bitch.  
  
Janeday: Thats It,  
  
Janeday pulled a little revolver from her pocket and shot karry on the head, the whole  
bridge pulled party streamers and began to applaud  
  
Janeday: I cant believe the wrote out Bes instead of Him.  
  
With that Bes beamed onto the bridge  
  
Bes: Im back! The writers wrote me in again, and tomorrow weve got a lesbian love scene  
with seven! But for now, im givng you another plant, here you go captain, heres a plant  
take my plant, its such a pretty plant, i know you like plants, so i grew this plant  
just for you, have my plant, here take it.  
  
Janeday looked horrified by a plant loving Bes.  
  
Janeday: Uhm, thanks,  
Janeday pressed a button and flung the plant out an airlock.  
  
Bes began crying histerically and bit of one of janedays hands.  
  
Janeday: Ow.  
Bes ran off the bridge as Chakotayayay, Belanna, Doc, and Heaven all arrived.  
  
Rom Harrass: Gooooood Morning sleeeeeeepy heaaaa......  
All: Shut the Fuck Up!  
  
Belanna dragged herself about, smacking ensigns randomly on the head.  
  
Heaven walked up to Janeday.  
  
Heaven: Captain, due to the lack of my presence in the last Bar Preck: Boyager,   
ratings fell around 99%, only Bill Clinton watched because he has a fetish for  
Klingons.  
  
Janeday: Well thats a bitch aint it?  
  
Heaven: Well the writers insist on me bending over alot on the bridge for now  
i will pretend i am fixing a console.  
  
Janeday: Hmm Yes, im thinking of getting my nose pierced.  
  
Tuvok: That is not advisable, your nose may become septic, and you may talk more like  
mickey mouse than usual.  
  
Janeday: Get a real job  
  
Tuvok: Im a male jigallo in 45 states in USA.  
  
Janeday: K......  
  
Computer: I have killed commander chakotayayay.  
  
Janeday: Oh well, how sad never mind.  
  
Computer: He began recording a biography of his life in a tribe.  
  
Janeday: Poor you. Ill arrange therapy.  
  
Heaven: Captain, theres a borg cube just appeared out of no where and its transporting drones  
onboard  
  
Janeday: Yey! Pool party  
  
What will happen, tune in for part three of Boyager to find out if the drones  
really do want to dance and swim to Cindy Lauper, or if they just want to   
KILL ALL THE BOYAGER CREW! 


End file.
